Several years ago I became interested in beekeeping. Maybe it was after reading Sue Monk Kidd's novel, "The Secret Life of Bees"that I got started with this fascination, I'm not sure, but my curiosity grew into a dream that I would one day learn this exciting craft. That dream grew into a few future plan that I created a few Pinterest boards for but mostly put on the back burner until one day last summer it became a confirmation of God's plan in my life when I learned that BGC was planning to get honey hives. You can read the article I wrote on this last summer entitled, Bee Blessings and Pool Perspective.
My suit has arrived, the hives are all prepared, the bees are here and some of the other teaching parents involved in the project have already begun. I am so excited but truth be told I am also a little, if not very, nervous.
Life here in the cottage has been swarming and active like a honey hive too, it seems, as the Fall has fast approached us. I feel more than ever that the enemy presses in when he sees that we are doing
Good Work
and one of the ways he oppresses me most is through busy seasons where I have a tendency to just try to get through days and weeks in survival mode without really concentrating on the impact I am having on my children. But lately he has been at work overtime in other ways as well.
An old friend of mine began a podcast recently with some other mommy bloggers called The Upside Down Podcast that explores what happens when you allow Jesus to flip your life and your family upside down for Him. In His perfect timing the Lord used this podcast that they did a few weeks ago on Fear and Safety (click fear and safety to listen to it) to remind me why we are here doing what we are at BGC even in the midst of a very dark time recently.
Without going into the details we went through a very scary time here lately where one of the girls we had built a lot of trust with over the last year and half betrayed that trust in some major ways that made us feel that we were unsafe in our own home. It was a startling reminder that we have made, maybe without even meaning to, a decision to live and raise our son in a home that is not always a danger free zone. Just last night as a different young lady went through an emotional episode where she was screaming and crying and we had to calm her down, I looked behind me to see the wide eyes of my four year old watching. He looked up at me with true concern in his heart and said, "______ is crying, She's not happy, Mommy." and it broke my heart.
These kinds of things are not something that I often talk about on here but the truth is that because we are living and working with children who have come from backgrounds of abuse and neglect it is not uncommon for Cliff and I to question if this is what we really signed up for. We have many a day where we are asking ourselves and God if this is all worth it and honestly if we can endure. The feeling that you are exposing your own innocent son to that which is potentially unsafe if a very sobering thought.
In the Podcast I mentioned above the ladies talk about how it is ok to have questions, but they also explore the possibility of living in an unsafe world without true fear. They discuss living among the unsafe with intention to do good and with the knowledge
that while the Lord may not always keep you from harm, He is sovereign and His plans are just.
I have issue in some ways with just blindly saying something like, you just have to trust God to take care of you. (This was said to us when we first came to BGC and it was the opposite of comforting to me as a mother desiring practical advice on protecting my son.) Mostly, I think I take issue with this because while I know He watches over His children it does not mean that no harm will ever come to them. If you step in front of moving car you will get hit. Just saying that you won't ever get hurt because God will protect you, even if you live among people who are unsafe, is not Godly nor does it make good common sense, in my opinion. The thing I have been wrestling with lately, though, is the thought that while He does not promise us ultimate protection, He is still calling us into the battlegrounds anyway.
I think about the missionaries that I see glimpses of articles on my news feed about that I can not even bear to read the whole story of because the caption reads something like, Missionary Crucified in Front of His Young Son. The horrible truth is that we have been called to live in a very scary and dangerous world. There are men and women out there who are placing themselves and their families on the front lines for the cause of Christ and it humbles and almost shames me for even remotely feeling unsafe in my home here on this beautiful ranch with these precious girls.
But I sometimes feel that way all the same.
And its ok that I feel that way.
And I am also learning that it is ok that I am
unsafe.
When I look into the eyes of these girls and I remember the circumstances that have brought them here it overwhelms me. Some or maybe even most of these kids on this campus have rarely, if ever, seen or experienced unconditional love. The defense mechanisms they throw up, that can be scary to me and my family, come from a place of fear in their own lives. If we as their surrogate families can remain steadfast in our love for them, even in the face of their worst, and even if it scares us, then God can be revealed at His best.
I am thankful to the Lord for His hedge of protection that he does provide for me and for all of my family, the girls included. I pray earnestly for those living in far more dangerous situations who are trying spread the Gospel in an unsafe world.
I am thankful for an administration and leaders on this campus who seek His will first in our lives but who also take the time to do what they can to make sure we feel heard, prayed for and loved. I am so blessed by parents, family and friends who pray diligently for us and who sustain us in ways that they can not even imagine.
I have been told that once you have worked a few times with your bees that the fear subsides and you begin to experience this peace, like a rhythmic cycle where you feel at one with nature. You find comfort, they say, in knowing that you are helping to create good things for the world.
The Hope for Honey is great; like a sweet, golden mirage out there on the horizon that you pray you will one day taste.
I am reminded that the Israelites were promised a land flowing with milk and honey, but also that they had to walk through some very scary days of trusting God to get there.
I can see that Hope out there on the horizon for my girls and for our family. It is a sweet landscape He is creating within us, glimmering in the sunrise, a promise that
He is faithful even when we are fearful.
Continue your prayers for us, we very much appreciate them and as always I leave you with a few pics of us lately.
Life here in the cottage has been swarming and active like a honey hive too, it seems, as the Fall has fast approached us. I feel more than ever that the enemy presses in when he sees that we are doing
Good Work
and one of the ways he oppresses me most is through busy seasons where I have a tendency to just try to get through days and weeks in survival mode without really concentrating on the impact I am having on my children. But lately he has been at work overtime in other ways as well.
An old friend of mine began a podcast recently with some other mommy bloggers called The Upside Down Podcast that explores what happens when you allow Jesus to flip your life and your family upside down for Him. In His perfect timing the Lord used this podcast that they did a few weeks ago on Fear and Safety (click fear and safety to listen to it) to remind me why we are here doing what we are at BGC even in the midst of a very dark time recently.
Without going into the details we went through a very scary time here lately where one of the girls we had built a lot of trust with over the last year and half betrayed that trust in some major ways that made us feel that we were unsafe in our own home. It was a startling reminder that we have made, maybe without even meaning to, a decision to live and raise our son in a home that is not always a danger free zone. Just last night as a different young lady went through an emotional episode where she was screaming and crying and we had to calm her down, I looked behind me to see the wide eyes of my four year old watching. He looked up at me with true concern in his heart and said, "______ is crying, She's not happy, Mommy." and it broke my heart.
These kinds of things are not something that I often talk about on here but the truth is that because we are living and working with children who have come from backgrounds of abuse and neglect it is not uncommon for Cliff and I to question if this is what we really signed up for. We have many a day where we are asking ourselves and God if this is all worth it and honestly if we can endure. The feeling that you are exposing your own innocent son to that which is potentially unsafe if a very sobering thought.
In the Podcast I mentioned above the ladies talk about how it is ok to have questions, but they also explore the possibility of living in an unsafe world without true fear. They discuss living among the unsafe with intention to do good and with the knowledge
that while the Lord may not always keep you from harm, He is sovereign and His plans are just.
I have issue in some ways with just blindly saying something like, you just have to trust God to take care of you. (This was said to us when we first came to BGC and it was the opposite of comforting to me as a mother desiring practical advice on protecting my son.) Mostly, I think I take issue with this because while I know He watches over His children it does not mean that no harm will ever come to them. If you step in front of moving car you will get hit. Just saying that you won't ever get hurt because God will protect you, even if you live among people who are unsafe, is not Godly nor does it make good common sense, in my opinion. The thing I have been wrestling with lately, though, is the thought that while He does not promise us ultimate protection, He is still calling us into the battlegrounds anyway.
I think about the missionaries that I see glimpses of articles on my news feed about that I can not even bear to read the whole story of because the caption reads something like, Missionary Crucified in Front of His Young Son. The horrible truth is that we have been called to live in a very scary and dangerous world. There are men and women out there who are placing themselves and their families on the front lines for the cause of Christ and it humbles and almost shames me for even remotely feeling unsafe in my home here on this beautiful ranch with these precious girls.
But I sometimes feel that way all the same.
And its ok that I feel that way.
And I am also learning that it is ok that I am
unsafe.
John 16:33 says,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I have lately found in light of these events a strange peace in my unsafety.
When I look into the eyes of these girls and I remember the circumstances that have brought them here it overwhelms me. Some or maybe even most of these kids on this campus have rarely, if ever, seen or experienced unconditional love. The defense mechanisms they throw up, that can be scary to me and my family, come from a place of fear in their own lives. If we as their surrogate families can remain steadfast in our love for them, even in the face of their worst, and even if it scares us, then God can be revealed at His best.
I am thankful to the Lord for His hedge of protection that he does provide for me and for all of my family, the girls included. I pray earnestly for those living in far more dangerous situations who are trying spread the Gospel in an unsafe world.
I am thankful for an administration and leaders on this campus who seek His will first in our lives but who also take the time to do what they can to make sure we feel heard, prayed for and loved. I am so blessed by parents, family and friends who pray diligently for us and who sustain us in ways that they can not even imagine.
I have been told that once you have worked a few times with your bees that the fear subsides and you begin to experience this peace, like a rhythmic cycle where you feel at one with nature. You find comfort, they say, in knowing that you are helping to create good things for the world.
The Hope for Honey is great; like a sweet, golden mirage out there on the horizon that you pray you will one day taste.
I am reminded that the Israelites were promised a land flowing with milk and honey, but also that they had to walk through some very scary days of trusting God to get there.
I can see that Hope out there on the horizon for my girls and for our family. It is a sweet landscape He is creating within us, glimmering in the sunrise, a promise that
He is faithful even when we are fearful.
Continue your prayers for us, we very much appreciate them and as always I leave you with a few pics of us lately.
Comments
Post a Comment